Did Billy Bob Thornton really star in SLING BLADE?

( Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade above, and Billy Bob today, or relatively recently, below.)

This is something that's been eating at me for awhile, and I don't know why I'm the only one it's ever bothered. (Actually, I recall Michael Wechsler once pointing this out to me 10 years ago, and I scoffed at it. But he may have been a prescient genius.) I recently came across a photo from SLING BLADE, which Billy Bob Thornton wrote, directed, and starred in some 12 years ago now. This is a great film which introduced most of the world, myself included, to Billy Bob, who was playing Karl, the simple-minded, sweet, Southern fried, sometimes murderer.

But this doesn't look anything like the Billy Bob we've seen on screen in the years since. The photo of him playing Karl was kind of shocking when I saw it. My first response was, "Who the hell is that?" Sure, Billy Bob could have put on weight. And there's that whole thing with the "Mmm-Hmm" that Karl always does, and sure that could make your mouth look funny, from time-to-time.

Dammit, though, sometimes you've just got to say what you feel. I reckon maybe others have been thinking the same thing and everyone else is just afraid to be the first one to admit that the emperor has no clothes. Or, in this case, pig blood-stained oshgoshes.

I say this isn't Billy Bob. Does it look like the same guy to you?! Seriously, tell me with a straight face that you think it's him. It's okay to say the earth isn't flat. We're all in a mini-version of the Matrix here created by BBT. I don't know how he fooled all of us, but he did. Hillbilly voodoo swamp magic. These things exist and are powerful. This is why I carry a pocket crucifix on foggy nights when I walk the L.A. basin.

Bottom line, this guy in Sling Blade is taller, has a completely different facial structure, and acts totally different. In short, that means he's a different guy. What else could it mean? (I know Billy Bob is a decent actor, but not good enough to pull this off.)

Sure, I believe that Billy Bob directed Slingblade and wrote it. But who the hell really starred in it?

Even with a prosthetic jaw, it doesn't wash.

And that, of course, raises the question of what happened to the man who played Karl? Was he killed with a slingblade (Most folks call it a kaiser blade, but I just call it a slingblade)? Billy Bob is known to have a temper and, more damningly, he once carried a vial of Angelina Jolie's blood around his neck. He has strange southern powers over hot women. Laura Dern went out with him too. And now there's a rumor he's with Tea Leoni?! (I don't have time to do that stupid accent on her first name, sorry. Actually, I'm not.) A man like this is capable of anything.

Certainly of making me disappear too. If no one hears from me in a few days, Billy Bob is represented by someone at the Creative Artists Agency. Call them at 424-288-2000 and voice your suspicions and concerns. Who knows, he might crack under the pressure and my body will turn up. Remember, we're all in this together.

The late Peter Boyle looks more like Karl in Sling Blade than Billy Bob does. And he's dressed up as Young friggin' Frankenstein.

I welcome your thoughts. Another weird night in Hollywood. Now, who wants some fritters?

Today's Photo:

I just had to share this one. If you don't know who they are, good for you. You're doing better than I am.

Random Notes and Pics! Stan Lee! Heroes! Hayden Panettiere!

As the year comes to an end, I wanted to post a few photos that I haven't exactly found time to write stories around, but which are cool nonetheless (and deserving of life, dammit!). The photos below are all from last year's Jules Verne Adventure Film Festival, on the night where they honored Stan Lee and the cast/creators of "Heroes." The entire cast of "Heroes" turned out, including babe-of-the-moment Hayden Panettiere in a little black dress, which caused the paparazzi of the Celebrity Industrial Complex to also turn out in force. Actor Doug Jones was on hand to present Stan with the award, having played the Silver Surfer, one of Stan's greatest creations, in The Fantastic Four 2. More recently, he portrayed Abe Sapien in Hellboy 2.

Note that all photos below were taken by the intrepid Gregory Weinkauf!

The lobby of the gorgeous 1920s movie palace, the Los Angeles Theater, in downtown L.A. Stan Lee is being interviewed in the far left corner of the pic.

My face-time with Stan the Man, in which I showed him the first Marvel Comic I ever owned (and he also signed it, natch!). It was actually a paperback-sized digest containing the first few issues of The Fantastic Four from the early 60s. My grandparents bought it for me during a Long Island road trip sometime in the summer of 1978 at a drug store somewhere in the middle of the island. Stan's reaction was "Oh my God!" when he saw the digest, the cover of which he hadn't seen in some 30 years.

The exterior of the gorgeous Los Angeles Theater. Some of the greatest architectural treasures of this city are on the old theater row in downtown. This place is a stunner. Because this is Los Angeles, they'll probably tear it down soon and put a Pinkberry there. Don't believe me? The actual derby from the legendary Brown Derby restaurant now sits atop a strip mall in Koreatown.

The cast and creators of "Heroes" in the lobby and onstage.

Stan being honored by festival heads Jean-Christophe Jeauffre and Frederic Dieudonne. Below are Frederic, Stan, actor Doug Jones, and Jean-Christophe.

Even the bathrooms at the Los Angeles Theater are works of art. This is as close as I got to the Ladies Bathroom, Hayden was having her picture taken inside, for real, but the interior has to be cool with an entrance like that.

More random photos of the year to come.

My High School Graduation Picture. Comments Encouraged. And Ivan Drago makes an appearance.

Some old high school friends are digging up pictures I haven't seen in well, a very long time, and posting them on Facebook. This was Greenport High in 1987. What a motley bunch of hoodlums we were, myself included. My favorite detail is that Mike Swan, the first guy on the far left of the right row, is wearing high-top sneakers under his gown. Because of the time period, I'm going to bet they were Air Jordans. My best friends Matt and Warren, second and third from the left on the top row, have their hats perfectly situated so as not to screw up their fresh do's. That actually was a pretty good plan, as it appears that I decided to actually wear my hat, go figure. But you can't see any of my hair, and, man, was my flat top rocking. If you only could have seen it. It should have been rocking, I spent 10 minutes blow drying it, so it would stand straight-upwards. I'm the third from the right in the second row, for those who were wondering.

My pop culture hero in terms of following-in-his-flat-top-footsteps was Ivan Drago, also, if not better, known as Dolph Lundgren of Rocky IV. I never achieved the full flat top greatness of Drago, but it gave me something to aspire to. And that's what being a hero is all about, right? Ivan Drago. Russian Boxer. Great American follicle role model in 1985-87.

Dennis Hopper's Art, Me in Front of Art

I went to the Holiday Party put on by the Hollywood Hill, a cool organization that's well worth joining if you work in entertainment. They've got much bigger plans for making the world a better place, which you can check out on their site -http://www.hhill.org/. The event was held at Dennis Hopper's house, and hosted by his lovely wife Victoria. And they have one hell of an art collection, and I'm going to have to admit that my knowledge of modern painters isn't exactly what it should be. I love the painting I took this picture with, but I have no idea who the artist is. Anyone? Bueller?

Today's Song: "Los Angeles is Burning" by Bad Religion

Unfortunately, it's time to play this one again. At least it's a great tune.

Another Beautiful Day in Babylon

I just started using my new Nikon CoolPix pocket camera and decided to try it out for a walk on the beach near by apartment in Marina del Rey. This stretch of beach is between the Marina Channel and the Venice Beach Pier.

The temperatures in L.A. today are back up to near-summer levels. I'm reminded of all the other places I could live in the United States, not to mention the world, and that these are pretty good cards to have been dealt. L.A. isn't quite paradise - sometimes it can be akin to an outer ring of Hell - but there are moments when it approaches it.